‘Slim and None’ by Dan Jenkins

By: Dr. John Wagner

For those of you who are Dan Jenkins fans, you will probably enjoy this new book. I assume this is in the same style as the others. For me, reading this book was like sitting through an IRS audit. I had to be there (I promised to read the whole book), but I sure was glad when it was done.

The book starts at the Masters with some woman parading around the clubhouse in fewer clothes than I have $100 dollar bills in my wallet. At least she did not have a ring in her navel. Turns out she is the 40-ish mother of a 19-year-old player who acts like a spoiled kid throughout the book.

Our hero, Bobby Joe Grooves, now moves in on the lady. Here is a really smooth guy who already has three divorces to his credit (maybe he should look in the mirror). The characters in this Jenkins book have as much depth of personality as a dried-up pond in Texas. I hope the professionals on the Tour have more to talk about than the people in this book.

Bobby Joe explains to the lady that maybe her attire is a little out of order. But the scant clothing is excused since she comes from California. Throw in a little Martha Burk and Michelle Wie satire and you have this: a plot as thick as runny cream of wheat.

If I were Martha Burk, I would come after Jenkins for his low-life portrayal of women. Tricia Hurt, another young lady in the book, gets to play in the U.S. Open because her daddy buys a 20-million-dollar tent on the course. Isn’t that an original idea?

We also have to have the usual bashing of the USGA committee and rules officials. Bobby Joe gets a ruling he doesn’t like from a lady official. Judging by his character, I was surprised he did not try to bed her. Maybe her navel wasn’t showing.

As I stated in the beginning, Jenkins fans may like “Slim and None.” But for me, if you really want to read a good, well-written golf book, try “The Greatest Game Ever Played.” Now there’s a book. As for the next Jenkins offering, I will take “None” and sit through an audit.

‘Slim and None’ by Dan Jenkins, 243 pages, Doubleday, May 2005, $24.95 (hardcover), ISBN 0-385-50852-2

Dr. John Wagner has been a Seattle dentist for 37 years. He’s been published in several dental journals as well as had several articles appear in the turf magazine for Pacific Northwest golf course superintendents. John has served as a guest lecturer at the University of Washington Business School for several years and as a guest lecturer for several dental societies. Dr. Wagner is the co-designer (with Steve Shea of the Berger Partnership) of a golf course in Japan that cost over $120 million and was built by Wadsworth Golf Construction. He’s a Past President of the Washington State Golf Association and the current President of the Pacific Coast Golf Association. John is currently a Member of the USGA Green Section and a Director of the WSGA.